One Month Old

I can NOT believe my baby boy is one month old. He is full of life and spice and let’s you know when he is unhappy. Hunter is usually a happy baby but when he has a moment they are extreme fussy moments to a point when his face actually turns purple. I have my moments of tears myself when I get overwhelmed and need to take a moment to myself but it breaks my heart when he cries. It’s great to have my mom so close by for my moments that I need to get a breath of fresh air but with her being busy during the week I’m typically on my own for the majority of the day when he is usually fussy from 10-3pm. I usually need to just put him down and let him cry for a few moments of the day. I read about these moments and thought to myself naaaah I’ll be able to do it without that. Well that was a really dumb thought and so naive of me.

On the bright side he smiles at me tons and typically sleeps pretty well in the night. Hunter has made me a way better person in the sense of how much I love one small human. He just loves his bathtime which has been a regular bedtime routine now. Kicking in the water and looking around the room cooing is one of his and my favourite times of the day.

Hunter finally met his big brother and sister this past week. We had a bit of a pizza party with the kids at my house. Both the kids got to hold Hunter and I was happy to finally get some pictures that I can print out and frame for him to have as a keepsake. It was a pretty special moment for me for sure.

I’m still struggling with breastfeeding in that I know he doesn’t get enough and really I have no idea how much he gets. Then he gets fussy and hungry very soon after so I supplement with formula. So now I’m breastfeeding which is time consuming and bottle feeding which means I’m washing and sterilizing bottles which is also time consuming. Add a fussy baby and everything else gets ignored including myself and my housework. Single with a baby is hard…. very hard. And I know it’s only going to get tougher. 😓

Hunter has recently broken out in what I think might be a heat rash on his face and under his chin that seems to come and go when he gets fussy and red faced. I’m going to take him in to the doctors to get checked out just to make sure he is healthy otherwise and to see if there is anything I can do to help him out. Poor kid lost all his hair on the top of his head and now his face is breaking out in a rash.  I think he has my sweaty body because he gets really heated really fast when he is mad and when he sleeps. Great… my temper and sweat glands, what a treat!

At this point it’s one day at a time.

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3 Weeks Old

My monkey is 3 weeks old. I’m still learning about the ins and outs of being a mommy. I still need nanas help to go to the grocery store because I can’t carry him in his car seat but she always seems happy to help. I should be able to do it in 3 more weeks according to the doctor. Hunter has had a couple rougher nights since the last update where he just fussed for the majority of the night but that is to be expected. Hunter sleeps from about 10:30 pm till about 2:00 am and then sleeps from 3am till about 5:30am and then till 8 am. These times are approximate ones that obviously vary from time to time.

He is a healthy pooper and a pro at passing gas that’s for damn sure. His farts are like man farts. I have a different bathtub now that allows me to do it without nanas help which is lovely. He absolutely loves him bathtime just like his mama. I usually get my shower in the morning while he is in the bouncy chair next to the shower and I usually get it in before he starts screaming but not always. Makeup in the morning is a luxury though, why bother at this point unless I’m going out somewhere.

I did my first trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things and some jerk parked so close I couldn’t get the car seat in… good thing for nana or I would’ve have lost it on the jerk. These are things I didn’t think about before becoming a mom. Ohhh I have so much to learn being a new mommy. But then I have moments like the morning of September 21st 2017 when I got my first real smile from him, and I got it on camera. Moments like that make getting up multiple times in the night, dealing with a cranky baby and poopy diaper changes all worth it.

I will however admit that dealing with a newborn is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be but on the flip side it is 10 times more rewarding then I could have imagined. When I’m able to settle him with a good cuddle and some love the feeling of accomplishment may seem small but feels so good. The look he gives me when he is satisfied after a feed is very fulfilling and gives me a sense of pride that I’m able to fill his needs. Pushing him in his stroller I feel proud to finally have him here. This guy has forever changed me

 

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Two Weeks Old

I can not believe this guy is two weeks old Sunday.  He had his first doctors appointment on Wednesday and he has put on 8 oz since birth which I’m sure supplementing with formula has helped. Regardless of what people think I’m pretty sure I will continue to supplement as a precaution to make sure he is getting enough before bedtime. I know breastfeeding is natural and a great thing to do health wise but if I’m out I’m still not comfortable just whipping the boob out. I do pump but I don’t always pump enough to last him. Sometimes I’m able to get 4 oz and sometimes I’m only able to get 2 oz and right now he eats about 3 oz in one feeding.

I’m still getting help with bath time from grandma… the bathtub I have is one you fill and I can’t bend to bath him him the big tub and I still can’t lift it once it’s been filled with water. Tonight was an eventful bath time… he waited till after bath all warm and fuzzy in his bath towel to decide to poop while laying on my bed… then he peed everywhere. Back in the water he went and then that diaper was changed along with the sheets on my bed. I was happy grandma was here to help because it was a complete disaster from start to finish. On the other hand this lil babe loves to be bathed and loves to have his little head rubbed down… I mean who doesn’t love a good nice warm bath?

Motherhood is not an easy task but when I wake up in the morning and grab him for a cuddle and he just looks up at me before falling back to sleep and I fall in love over and over. Those moments are the ones that I had been so eagerly waiting for and man they don’t disappoint. I knew I would love him but this love is so big and protective that I can’t even describe. His smiles (even though I know they’re just reflex smiles) are just priceless and I love seeing them happen. I’m one happy mama.

 

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First Week Home

My first week home was full of fears, tears and smiles from this new mommy. Breastfeeding is a challenge to know that he is getting enough and to know when to supplement. Then dealing with the fear of his reflux and choking in the night was a whole other issue. Our first night was a breeze getting up every two hours to feed but he slept well. The second night though was a struggle and one that just got to me. He was awake and crying from 2:00 am till close to 7:00 am. He kept spitting up and turning red and I could tell he was in pain. I cried because I just couldn’t help him.

It wasn’t until I put him on his tummy that he settled and finally fell asleep despite the fact it was feeding time, there was no way I was going to wake him to feed him. Julie came by to check on me and him because I had called my mom in tears not sure what to do but she was at work. By that time however things seemed to have settled. So I got out the breast pump and pumped getting ready for when he did wake up. That day my mom took him once she was done work so I could have a two hour nap and man did I need it. I’m talking all out snoring session, out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Since then we have a new night time routine where we do skin to skin to settle and sleep and he sleeps great. The past couple nights I have managed to get him to settle swaddled on his back to sleep which he has now been handling well. I know things can change but right now I’m happy with the night time routine.

 

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Labour Story Part 3

I was all dressed up and being wheeled down the hall to the operating room. I rolled into where they prepared me while my dad waited outside. That was the moment the nervousness started to set in… they were about to cut me open. Once my dad came in and sat beside me they tested to see if I could feel pain and this is where I’m not sure if it was nerves or if I actually felt pain. I was numb from pain but feeling sensations that I really didn’t like. That was the moment I freaked right out, my body started chattering and I panicked while everyone including my dad tried to calm me down without success. They then asked my dad to leave as the put a mask over my face… I was being put under.

I woke up really confused and not sure what had happened or what was going on. They were wheeling me down a hallway when it hit me that I was in the hospital to have my baby. Why was no one saying anything to me about my baby? I finally found my voice and asked where my baby was and if he was ok? They assured me that he was fine and in my room waiting for me but that I needed to go to recovery for a while where they checked and rechecked everything over. I tried to clear my throat because something felt off and they told me it was the tube that was put down my throat to help me breathe.

Then I laid there itching to see my baby. At about 11 I finally spoke up and said I wanted to see my family and my baby and they said they were just waiting on the nurse to bring me up. A half hour later the nurse came to get me. She said let me get you to your room to get some rest… ohh wait no more sleeping for you for the next 18 years. Ha! I didn’t even care I had butterflies that I was about to see my son.

As they rolled me in I saw my mom and then I saw him. It was instant tears for me! It was the moment I had waited so long for and finally I got to hold my 7lb 9oz 20 inches of wrinkly lil baby boy. One week exactly after his due date he arrived into the world at 8:30am and I finally got to see him at 11:30, entirely way too long for me to have been away from him but the moment I saw him can’t be explained in words. I literally just stared at him not believing he was all mine. My Hunter Victor Janes was here with dark hair, Paxton’s nose, my chin and my lips, and it looks like his dad’s eyes. Things can change though I know but he was perfect! Later my brother and Julie came back up to the hospital with my nephews to meet him. That was a very special moment to see Paxton and his love for the baby.

Because I had a c section I knew I’d be in the hospital a few extra days, I had heard 48-72 hours to heal. My mom stayed with me the first night jumping at the sound of baby who I actually wanted next to me all night. He was having reflux issues seemingly gagging on nothing which required him to be put on his side from his back and being a first time mom not being able to jump out of bed I felt safer with him next to me despite what the nurse said about him being in the basinet that I couldn’t reach. She was worried that  I would fall asleep but there was no sleeping for this new mama. I was running on adrenaline.

The next day I was able to get out of bed for the first time and eventually able to pee, that was an adventure! I was dizzy from not eating much because I didn’t want to get nauseated and throw up knowing it hurt just to cough slightly and the sensation of being on my feet felt unnatural. But I made it to the toilet looking like a hunchback. I had visitors that day, a few of my aunts and uncles came by for a visit while I was out of bed and they got to see little man for the first time as well as my best friend. I looked like hell but I didn’t care… I was too tired to care.

Later that night exhaustion hit me big time. Julie was on her way to come stay with me the second night to help out. This was the night I was able to get out of bed to change his diaper for the first time. It was a poopy one and he wasn’t finished pooping when I opened the diaper. Julie got a good laugh out of it and the fun continued when I finally made it back to my bed and realized that I had poop on my finger. Wet one was the answer because I was too weak to get to the bathroom again. So gross!! Then 5 mins later he pooped again!!! This is the point I offered Julie 100 bucks to clean the diaper which she laughed at.

Bed time rolled around and Julie was a freaking trooper… I breastfed and then julie took baby and told me to close my eyes while she took care of him rocking him in the dark for the majority of the night only waking me to feed. She let me sleep till 6:30 she told me to get out of bed and finally have a shower before my mom arrived at 7:30.

That day was the day I got to go home as long as he didn’t lose to much weight. All the tests were run after breakfast and we were in the clear to head home about 1:00. I couldn’t believe I was leaving my room for the first time in a long time and with my lil babe. My mom and I buckled him in and I sat in the back and as we left the parking lot I just started to cry tears of happiness. I was on my way to starting motherhood and was scared, excited, overwhelmed and exhausted… all things that I’m still feeling now a week and a half later.

I owe so much to my team Julie, Celeste, my mom and my dad who were there for me all night long. They witnessed the good the bad and the ugly and I couldn’t have done it without them. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there next to me. Onto my next adventure, motherhood.

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Labour Story Part 2

Part 2 starts where the epidural begins with me breathing a sigh of relief once it kicked in. Shortly after that Julie was on her way after work and arrived in scrubs and all. All of us girls sat and chatted for a while to pass the time before I got checked again. I had gone to 6 cm but it looked like labour was slowing down so the doctor suggested oxytocin to get contractions moving which I agreed to. I was getting tired and was hoping to have the same doctor deliver the baby before her shift was over. I loved her!

The oxy got things moving after a while but baby started to have deceleration of his heart rate all the way done to 70 bpm during the peak of the contractions. The doctor sat in my room for a long time monitoring the heart rate and then suggested doing a procedure to put fluid (my water was broken by the doctor at 5 cm) back in to cushion the baby incase the cord was wrapped around the neck. I was very nervous for baby at this point… I had dreams before that the cord was wrapped around the neck so anything to help out I was willing to do. The procedure helped out for a while but it didn’t continue to help the heart rate for long.

The docs took me off oxy because baby wasn’t a fan of it and checked me. At this point I was 7-8 cm but it was now 6 am. I was exhausted, thirsty living on ice chips that eventually made me throw up twice, my back was sore from being in one position since the epidural, I was sweaty and warm despite all the cold cloths Julie continually freshened for me and was concerned every time I heard his little heart rate drop. I was asked to roll on my side at one point and that was the beginning of the end for me. When I rolled it felt like I threw my neck out, my arms went tingly and numb and the shooting pain went down my neck to my spine. At this point I just thought how am I going to push a baby out now and panick started to set in.

Once the initial pain slowed down in my neck the doctor came in to talk about options at 7 am. I could continue to labour for the next 4 hours to see if I progress past 8 cm which is what I was stuck at for some time and if that didn’t work it would be a c section, or I could opt for c section now. To be honest I didn’t know how much I had left in me, labour and no sleep for 2 going on 3 days, not being sure I’d be able to bare down and push with my neck and back the way they were and no guarantees that baby’s heart would withstand the pushing. I duscussed it with my team and decided that c section would be best to get this baby out. I cried for a bit thinking I had failed but was assured by the doctor that my decision was a good one and that I had done a lot.

Now it was time to get ready for c section and them cutting me open. I had discussed with my dad ahead of time that if this were the case that he would go in with me to be by my side. The docs got him dressed up in his gear while they topped off the meds in the epidural to the point that I was numb and my legs weighed a thousand pounds. I said goodbye to my mom, Celeste and Julie as they wheeled me out of the room.

Meeting this baby was the next exciting thing to come… I hoped it was an uneventful c section but who are we kidding of course I freaked out once they started. More on that once I can add to this labour story.