I was all dressed up and being wheeled down the hall to the operating room. I rolled into where they prepared me while my dad waited outside. That was the moment the nervousness started to set in… they were about to cut me open. Once my dad came in and sat beside me they tested to see if I could feel pain and this is where I’m not sure if it was nerves or if I actually felt pain. I was numb from pain but feeling sensations that I really didn’t like. That was the moment I freaked right out, my body started chattering and I panicked while everyone including my dad tried to calm me down without success. They then asked my dad to leave as the put a mask over my face… I was being put under.
I woke up really confused and not sure what had happened or what was going on. They were wheeling me down a hallway when it hit me that I was in the hospital to have my baby. Why was no one saying anything to me about my baby? I finally found my voice and asked where my baby was and if he was ok? They assured me that he was fine and in my room waiting for me but that I needed to go to recovery for a while where they checked and rechecked everything over. I tried to clear my throat because something felt off and they told me it was the tube that was put down my throat to help me breathe.
Then I laid there itching to see my baby. At about 11 I finally spoke up and said I wanted to see my family and my baby and they said they were just waiting on the nurse to bring me up. A half hour later the nurse came to get me. She said let me get you to your room to get some rest… ohh wait no more sleeping for you for the next 18 years. Ha! I didn’t even care I had butterflies that I was about to see my son.
As they rolled me in I saw my mom and then I saw him. It was instant tears for me! It was the moment I had waited so long for and finally I got to hold my 7lb 9oz 20 inches of wrinkly lil baby boy. One week exactly after his due date he arrived into the world at 8:30am and I finally got to see him at 11:30, entirely way too long for me to have been away from him but the moment I saw him can’t be explained in words. I literally just stared at him not believing he was all mine. My Hunter Victor Janes was here with dark hair, Paxton’s nose, my chin and my lips, and it looks like his dad’s eyes. Things can change though I know but he was perfect! Later my brother and Julie came back up to the hospital with my nephews to meet him. That was a very special moment to see Paxton and his love for the baby.
Because I had a c section I knew I’d be in the hospital a few extra days, I had heard 48-72 hours to heal. My mom stayed with me the first night jumping at the sound of baby who I actually wanted next to me all night. He was having reflux issues seemingly gagging on nothing which required him to be put on his side from his back and being a first time mom not being able to jump out of bed I felt safer with him next to me despite what the nurse said about him being in the basinet that I couldn’t reach. She was worried that I would fall asleep but there was no sleeping for this new mama. I was running on adrenaline.
The next day I was able to get out of bed for the first time and eventually able to pee, that was an adventure! I was dizzy from not eating much because I didn’t want to get nauseated and throw up knowing it hurt just to cough slightly and the sensation of being on my feet felt unnatural. But I made it to the toilet looking like a hunchback. I had visitors that day, a few of my aunts and uncles came by for a visit while I was out of bed and they got to see little man for the first time as well as my best friend. I looked like hell but I didn’t care… I was too tired to care.
Later that night exhaustion hit me big time. Julie was on her way to come stay with me the second night to help out. This was the night I was able to get out of bed to change his diaper for the first time. It was a poopy one and he wasn’t finished pooping when I opened the diaper. Julie got a good laugh out of it and the fun continued when I finally made it back to my bed and realized that I had poop on my finger. Wet one was the answer because I was too weak to get to the bathroom again. So gross!! Then 5 mins later he pooped again!!! This is the point I offered Julie 100 bucks to clean the diaper which she laughed at.
Bed time rolled around and Julie was a freaking trooper… I breastfed and then julie took baby and told me to close my eyes while she took care of him rocking him in the dark for the majority of the night only waking me to feed. She let me sleep till 6:30 she told me to get out of bed and finally have a shower before my mom arrived at 7:30.
That day was the day I got to go home as long as he didn’t lose to much weight. All the tests were run after breakfast and we were in the clear to head home about 1:00. I couldn’t believe I was leaving my room for the first time in a long time and with my lil babe. My mom and I buckled him in and I sat in the back and as we left the parking lot I just started to cry tears of happiness. I was on my way to starting motherhood and was scared, excited, overwhelmed and exhausted… all things that I’m still feeling now a week and a half later.
I owe so much to my team Julie, Celeste, my mom and my dad who were there for me all night long. They witnessed the good the bad and the ugly and I couldn’t have done it without them. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there next to me. Onto my next adventure, motherhood.