Motherhood – 5 Months In

5 months into motherhood and things are slowly starting to get better. Now I don’t know if you just get used to the sleep deprivation, the lack of me time, the lost shower time and downward spiral of your social life or if you just forget what’s it’s like before the little bundle of joy arrives but either way I’ll take improvement any way I can.

I had a glorious week of 6 hour stretch sleeps this month and even though it only lasted a week it gave me hope that eventually he may sleep through the night. I heard him cry and thought it was his usual wake up time only to look at the clock and realize that he slept from midnight to 6 am straight. I did a double take of my phone thinking I read the time wrong. I had an instant grin on my face and when we woke up for the day I did the happy dance for him which of course had him laughing.

Last night was a nightmare though. He was up every 15 mins after 1 am even though I tried everything I could to get him to go back to sleep he was not having it! You know when your just about sleeping, your body is relaxed your mind slipping away and then WAAAAAHHHH. It’s such a shitty jolting sound. Imagine it happening every 15 mins to a half hour from 1 am till close to 6 am. That was last night. I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and stay there with my head in the dirt just to get the hell away. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little man but it pushed every button I had in me. I’m convinced that’s why we love our kids so much… for moments like that when you’re just not a fan of your child. And yes I know there are many MANY more moments I’ll have like that for the rest of my life… and they only get worse when I think to how I was as a teenager. It makes me cringe thinking about that.

When sleep deprivation is all I have to complain about, I’m one lucky momma.

D6CE5FDC-97D8-4045-BCFA-8E62C991A49E7372B7ED-0927-4D2A-904E-CA89639C21CAA24CE133-1EB5-401A-82F4-8D061DC7369CAB34CADC-3E32-4D24-A00F-401E0AC711AD7F2C4E31-6050-47ED-B1E0-3345D96F15B2F1EA5294-55E0-43F5-ADE8-775CB708DAFA861934BD-0FD0-4E28-8CA6-B01858B5EE1B124122E5-2589-46FB-AB91-5600B9821DC93AF2B54D-EC7D-4D21-A301-7268156F14DE3E733964-34D7-4177-83C6-ADC29DCFDFAA2FAD7634-9EF4-48A5-BA53-8EAB80372B99

Advertisements

4 Months

We are now in the considered golden baby age. When the baby’s digestive system has begun to settle and mature a bit, are a bit more independent, interactive, and stay in one spot when you put them down. And I can say that I’d have to agree to most of it. Since a week before Christmas I have seen a huge difference in his temperament and it’s for the good. Hunter was never great at being put down and now he has done well at tummy time, being in his bouncy chair, laying and playing on his mat, can use his hands to play and grab toys, laughs when I do stupid things, and loves his jolly jumper the most. He will bounce in there forever. It’s been very enjoyable bonding with him when he is so happy and settled. It’s a great change from his pain he had because of acid reflux.

He had his first Christmas this year. I had to wake him at 630 to get over to my brothers place where we all opened gifts together with all three boys. Of course the boys were spoiled and so was I with some very thoughtful gifts from my sister in law and mom. It was a Christmas for the memory books and I can only see them getting better and better.

Right now Hunter is teething which means lots of drool and chewing on everything and a tad cranky… but nothing compared to when his acid reflux was bothering him. He is growing all his hair back at a very fast pace and his eyes I think are staying the most beautiful shade of blue. Hunter is currently in 3-6 month clothing when it comes to his onsies without the footies and fits 6-9 in the footies with his long legs. Lucky guy gets shots on Monday so I’m hoping it’s not too terrible.

Sleeping is still horrible most nights but then every once in a while he sleeps and I wake up so happy. My favourite time with him is our morning cuddles. This kid wakes up every morning with a smile on his face and it honestly melts my heart every morning. I grab him and just bring him close and kiss him all over his face which usually makes him and I laugh out loud together. Those moments are just those sacred ones I’d never want to give up for the world.

He is starting solids, like baby cereal, carrots and butternut squash. He also tried some banana and cantaloupe in his mesh bags to help with his teething and he loves it all. Food in general tends to be something he enjoys all the time. Now the diapers after adding those things have been a real treat for mama lol.

My journey into motherhood has been a tough one with many ups and downs but I take one day at a time, enjoy the good moments and deal with the rough moments the best I can.

9132025E-AA23-44C3-BD5E-610A920265FD2F5F4680-C092-4346-A61F-93E69780825362666B0B-2302-45F2-8C8D-BC2A6229B8D657716A80-E3F1-4FE0-A050-9ABD8628B86F820A1ADD-8116-458E-9043-6FB44C85019DB8FCC6DC-92A0-47FF-92F3-F752378281645A13BC2B-55F1-4854-B5D4-F6FD619AD6D0

07DB0583-4723-4E5F-9975-7E6DF98F1BCF415FC974-D135-47C1-9792-77AB8999B265DBB67CBC-514C-4AE2-81A1-2BFCC73E9F600AE4DC19-3A9D-4EFD-BC96-1E4D5B577389B7F11B75-16DA-482F-8F60-A446F01292BDCFEF8EA2-7A80-4BA3-B228-96BB9A558BB04A721C45-4A35-4C22-9390-8A2CFE94AF9AF2E4EA0C-96D7-41CB-839E-B22542945746

3 months old

My Baby is 3 months old! I’ve survived the last month with no sleep and some doctors visits to see why my boy is so clingy and cranky. I saw the doctor that was at my c section at my family doctors recommendation. As it turns out he has acid reflux which makes him sleep horribly, spit up tons and be in a lot of screaming pain. It’s hard on him and this mama to watch him in pain… many tears have been cried already over this little one. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my family so close by. He is now on medication that seems to help his discomfort and his food has been increased to help him grow and gain weight as his gaining had slowed down drastically. Now we can get him his shots that we put off till we figured out why he was so unhappy.

This month has been full of my favourite milestones so far… the giggle and the toy grab. His fists have finally opened up and he reaches and grabs his toys when he is play mat from his Auntie Katelyn. And his giggle comes when you touch his balls and tickle his but cheeks. Nana has pretty good tickling fingers too. Ive also noticed this guy eating his fists constantly and drooling a lot! He drools a ridiculous amount. He still breastfeeds for comfort mostly and breastfeeds at night but daytime is mostly bottle feeds.

Ive been dealing with post partum insomnia that has really gotten to me. Hunter might sleep good some nights but I tend to lay awake from 2 – 6 am which gets exhausting beyond words. I don’t know why it’s happening and I have started medication to try to help with my anxiety during the day which hopefully will help me sleep. Right now I’ll try anything. I will be getting Hunter in his crib soon so I’m hoping that the transition goes smoothly. Right now Hunter has his first cold from his big cousin Levi, a bad cough and a bit of a fever. It just breaks my heart.

 

 

E23BD748-50BE-49AE-A7C8-8E169A654DCC075D5C57-CD59-434F-804E-D9DB2A632C7C5671FD0F-8488-4A75-84CF-BCD7ED867FAF8F98894E-4BEA-429C-82D3-6A9360E4B2D86F478C1B-5C85-4B2A-9AF3-DC18782271270F0A40E8-BBE1-4886-8AB3-650A4C148FFD83537CEC-15B8-4999-819A-6408125C081A91485985-0B38-4051-BFD7-E651583515943826BA37-6B45-4D7D-9FAF-C2BD70DF704E629CF279-0689-4608-88C1-8AEA9A5EBB45D8BD64D5-13C0-4C85-9506-43AE38532B7E

2 months old

Hunter is 2 months old. He loves to smile, he puts up a good fight when he is mad, he is on the verge of giggling, he is challenging, frustrating, adorable, cheeky, loves to be naked, loves his nana cuddles, not a fan of being put down, likes to nurse FOREVER, loves his fuzzy blankets and many other things. This kid tests everything I have in me. We have good moments and bad moments, ones where we both cry because we are frustrated with each other and moments of pure bliss where we make each other smile. I had no idea how tough this Mom job was until it actually happened to me. I could have the worst day and then I get him naked for his favourite time of day bathtime and he smiles almost instantly, I talk to him while I bath him and he just looks at me and listens… those are the moments I cherish and make up for how tired and exhausted I feel.

I never knew how much babys could cry. How many things you have to run through till you figure out what he needs and sometimes he just cries because that’s what he is going to do. I’ve called my mom and asked her to come get him just for a few minutes before I lose my mind. It happens and that’s honest but I try my best and that’s all I can do. He teaches me the true value of patience.

Its nice to have 2 girlfriends that I hang out with and chat that have babies the same age, one being born one month before Hunter and one born a week before. We text and talk about our good and bad moments and it helps to know I’m not alone in the moments when I feel like I need someone to vent to. I’m still learning to juggle housework while having a baby but I’ll admit that the majority of the chores fall to the waste side. I usually have time for washing bottles, pumping, laundry and sometimes a shower. I ask myself what I did with all my free time before.

in most recent weeks Hunters moods have been especially bad, he is cranky for the majority of the day to the point where I wonder if he is colicky or has milk protein intolerance. When I say cranky I mean will scream for hours on end, won’t sleep longer then a half hour during the day and chokes on spit up constantly. I will get maybe a total of 3-4 hours of the day where he isn’t crying and I’m not going to lie it gets to me horribly to the point that he sleeps at night and I lay awake riddled with anxiety about the next day knowing it could be another rough day.

Right now I live for the short moments of bliss… when he is happy he is literally the happiest baby I’ve ever seen. His smile just lights up his entire face and it’s those moments that get me through… well that and my parents as well as Julie who are always offering me assistance to catch up on sleep or just have a break away, moments that right now I really need.

 

IMG_5716IMG_5747IMG_5641IMG_5554IMG_5570IMG_5521tempImageForSave

One Month Old

I can NOT believe my baby boy is one month old. He is full of life and spice and let’s you know when he is unhappy. Hunter is usually a happy baby but when he has a moment they are extreme fussy moments to a point when his face actually turns purple. I have my moments of tears myself when I get overwhelmed and need to take a moment to myself but it breaks my heart when he cries. It’s great to have my mom so close by for my moments that I need to get a breath of fresh air but with her being busy during the week I’m typically on my own for the majority of the day when he is usually fussy from 10-3pm. I usually need to just put him down and let him cry for a few moments of the day. I read about these moments and thought to myself naaaah I’ll be able to do it without that. Well that was a really dumb thought and so naive of me.

On the bright side he smiles at me tons and typically sleeps pretty well in the night. Hunter has made me a way better person in the sense of how much I love one small human. He just loves his bathtime which has been a regular bedtime routine now. Kicking in the water and looking around the room cooing is one of his and my favourite times of the day.

Hunter finally met his big brother and sister this past week. We had a bit of a pizza party with the kids at my house. Both the kids got to hold Hunter and I was happy to finally get some pictures that I can print out and frame for him to have as a keepsake. It was a pretty special moment for me for sure.

I’m still struggling with breastfeeding in that I know he doesn’t get enough and really I have no idea how much he gets. Then he gets fussy and hungry very soon after so I supplement with formula. So now I’m breastfeeding which is time consuming and bottle feeding which means I’m washing and sterilizing bottles which is also time consuming. Add a fussy baby and everything else gets ignored including myself and my housework. Single with a baby is hard…. very hard. And I know it’s only going to get tougher. 😓

Hunter has recently broken out in what I think might be a heat rash on his face and under his chin that seems to come and go when he gets fussy and red faced. I’m going to take him in to the doctors to get checked out just to make sure he is healthy otherwise and to see if there is anything I can do to help him out. Poor kid lost all his hair on the top of his head and now his face is breaking out in a rash.  I think he has my sweaty body because he gets really heated really fast when he is mad and when he sleeps. Great… my temper and sweat glands, what a treat!

At this point it’s one day at a time.

IMG_4956

tempImageForSaveIMG_4881tempImageForSavetempImageForSave

3 Weeks Old

My monkey is 3 weeks old. I’m still learning about the ins and outs of being a mommy. I still need nanas help to go to the grocery store because I can’t carry him in his car seat but she always seems happy to help. I should be able to do it in 3 more weeks according to the doctor. Hunter has had a couple rougher nights since the last update where he just fussed for the majority of the night but that is to be expected. Hunter sleeps from about 10:30 pm till about 2:00 am and then sleeps from 3am till about 5:30am and then till 8 am. These times are approximate ones that obviously vary from time to time.

He is a healthy pooper and a pro at passing gas that’s for damn sure. His farts are like man farts. I have a different bathtub now that allows me to do it without nanas help which is lovely. He absolutely loves him bathtime just like his mama. I usually get my shower in the morning while he is in the bouncy chair next to the shower and I usually get it in before he starts screaming but not always. Makeup in the morning is a luxury though, why bother at this point unless I’m going out somewhere.

I did my first trip to the grocery store to pick up a few things and some jerk parked so close I couldn’t get the car seat in… good thing for nana or I would’ve have lost it on the jerk. These are things I didn’t think about before becoming a mom. Ohhh I have so much to learn being a new mommy. But then I have moments like the morning of September 21st 2017 when I got my first real smile from him, and I got it on camera. Moments like that make getting up multiple times in the night, dealing with a cranky baby and poopy diaper changes all worth it.

I will however admit that dealing with a newborn is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be but on the flip side it is 10 times more rewarding then I could have imagined. When I’m able to settle him with a good cuddle and some love the feeling of accomplishment may seem small but feels so good. The look he gives me when he is satisfied after a feed is very fulfilling and gives me a sense of pride that I’m able to fill his needs. Pushing him in his stroller I feel proud to finally have him here. This guy has forever changed me

 

IMG_4511tempImageForSavetempImageForSave

IMG_4619tempImageForSave

Two Weeks Old

I can not believe this guy is two weeks old Sunday.  He had his first doctors appointment on Wednesday and he has put on 8 oz since birth which I’m sure supplementing with formula has helped. Regardless of what people think I’m pretty sure I will continue to supplement as a precaution to make sure he is getting enough before bedtime. I know breastfeeding is natural and a great thing to do health wise but if I’m out I’m still not comfortable just whipping the boob out. I do pump but I don’t always pump enough to last him. Sometimes I’m able to get 4 oz and sometimes I’m only able to get 2 oz and right now he eats about 3 oz in one feeding.

I’m still getting help with bath time from grandma… the bathtub I have is one you fill and I can’t bend to bath him him the big tub and I still can’t lift it once it’s been filled with water. Tonight was an eventful bath time… he waited till after bath all warm and fuzzy in his bath towel to decide to poop while laying on my bed… then he peed everywhere. Back in the water he went and then that diaper was changed along with the sheets on my bed. I was happy grandma was here to help because it was a complete disaster from start to finish. On the other hand this lil babe loves to be bathed and loves to have his little head rubbed down… I mean who doesn’t love a good nice warm bath?

Motherhood is not an easy task but when I wake up in the morning and grab him for a cuddle and he just looks up at me before falling back to sleep and I fall in love over and over. Those moments are the ones that I had been so eagerly waiting for and man they don’t disappoint. I knew I would love him but this love is so big and protective that I can’t even describe. His smiles (even though I know they’re just reflex smiles) are just priceless and I love seeing them happen. I’m one happy mama.

 

IMG_4414IMG_4425tempImageForSaveIMG_4441