My first week home was full of fears, tears and smiles from this new mommy. Breastfeeding is a challenge to know that he is getting enough and to know when to supplement. Then dealing with the fear of his reflux and choking in the night was a whole other issue. Our first night was a breeze getting up every two hours to feed but he slept well. The second night though was a struggle and one that just got to me. He was awake and crying from 2:00 am till close to 7:00 am. He kept spitting up and turning red and I could tell he was in pain. I cried because I just couldn’t help him.
It wasn’t until I put him on his tummy that he settled and finally fell asleep despite the fact it was feeding time, there was no way I was going to wake him to feed him. Julie came by to check on me and him because I had called my mom in tears not sure what to do but she was at work. By that time however things seemed to have settled. So I got out the breast pump and pumped getting ready for when he did wake up. That day my mom took him once she was done work so I could have a two hour nap and man did I need it. I’m talking all out snoring session, out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Since then we have a new night time routine where we do skin to skin to settle and sleep and he sleeps great. The past couple nights I have managed to get him to settle swaddled on his back to sleep which he has now been handling well. I know things can change but right now I’m happy with the night time routine.
I was all dressed up and being wheeled down the hall to the operating room. I rolled into where they prepared me while my dad waited outside. That was the moment the nervousness started to set in… they were about to cut me open. Once my dad came in and sat beside me they tested to see if I could feel pain and this is where I’m not sure if it was nerves or if I actually felt pain. I was numb from pain but feeling sensations that I really didn’t like. That was the moment I freaked right out, my body started chattering and I panicked while everyone including my dad tried to calm me down without success. They then asked my dad to leave as the put a mask over my face… I was being put under.
I woke up really confused and not sure what had happened or what was going on. They were wheeling me down a hallway when it hit me that I was in the hospital to have my baby. Why was no one saying anything to me about my baby? I finally found my voice and asked where my baby was and if he was ok? They assured me that he was fine and in my room waiting for me but that I needed to go to recovery for a while where they checked and rechecked everything over. I tried to clear my throat because something felt off and they told me it was the tube that was put down my throat to help me breathe.
Then I laid there itching to see my baby. At about 11 I finally spoke up and said I wanted to see my family and my baby and they said they were just waiting on the nurse to bring me up. A half hour later the nurse came to get me. She said let me get you to your room to get some rest… ohh wait no more sleeping for you for the next 18 years. Ha! I didn’t even care I had butterflies that I was about to see my son.
As they rolled me in I saw my mom and then I saw him. It was instant tears for me! It was the moment I had waited so long for and finally I got to hold my 7lb 9oz 20 inches of wrinkly lil baby boy. One week exactly after his due date he arrived into the world at 8:30am and I finally got to see him at 11:30, entirely way too long for me to have been away from him but the moment I saw him can’t be explained in words. I literally just stared at him not believing he was all mine. My Hunter Victor Janes was here with dark hair, Paxton’s nose, my chin and my lips, and it looks like his dad’s eyes. Things can change though I know but he was perfect! Later my brother and Julie came back up to the hospital with my nephews to meet him. That was a very special moment to see Paxton and his love for the baby.
Because I had a c section I knew I’d be in the hospital a few extra days, I had heard 48-72 hours to heal. My mom stayed with me the first night jumping at the sound of baby who I actually wanted next to me all night. He was having reflux issues seemingly gagging on nothing which required him to be put on his side from his back and being a first time mom not being able to jump out of bed I felt safer with him next to me despite what the nurse said about him being in the basinet that I couldn’t reach. She was worried that I would fall asleep but there was no sleeping for this new mama. I was running on adrenaline.
The next day I was able to get out of bed for the first time and eventually able to pee, that was an adventure! I was dizzy from not eating much because I didn’t want to get nauseated and throw up knowing it hurt just to cough slightly and the sensation of being on my feet felt unnatural. But I made it to the toilet looking like a hunchback. I had visitors that day, a few of my aunts and uncles came by for a visit while I was out of bed and they got to see little man for the first time as well as my best friend. I looked like hell but I didn’t care… I was too tired to care.
Later that night exhaustion hit me big time. Julie was on her way to come stay with me the second night to help out. This was the night I was able to get out of bed to change his diaper for the first time. It was a poopy one and he wasn’t finished pooping when I opened the diaper. Julie got a good laugh out of it and the fun continued when I finally made it back to my bed and realized that I had poop on my finger. Wet one was the answer because I was too weak to get to the bathroom again. So gross!! Then 5 mins later he pooped again!!! This is the point I offered Julie 100 bucks to clean the diaper which she laughed at.
Bed time rolled around and Julie was a freaking trooper… I breastfed and then julie took baby and told me to close my eyes while she took care of him rocking him in the dark for the majority of the night only waking me to feed. She let me sleep till 6:30 she told me to get out of bed and finally have a shower before my mom arrived at 7:30.
That day was the day I got to go home as long as he didn’t lose to much weight. All the tests were run after breakfast and we were in the clear to head home about 1:00. I couldn’t believe I was leaving my room for the first time in a long time and with my lil babe. My mom and I buckled him in and I sat in the back and as we left the parking lot I just started to cry tears of happiness. I was on my way to starting motherhood and was scared, excited, overwhelmed and exhausted… all things that I’m still feeling now a week and a half later.
I owe so much to my team Julie, Celeste, my mom and my dad who were there for me all night long. They witnessed the good the bad and the ugly and I couldn’t have done it without them. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else there next to me. Onto my next adventure, motherhood.
Part 2 starts where the epidural begins with me breathing a sigh of relief once it kicked in. Shortly after that Julie was on her way after work and arrived in scrubs and all. All of us girls sat and chatted for a while to pass the time before I got checked again. I had gone to 6 cm but it looked like labour was slowing down so the doctor suggested oxytocin to get contractions moving which I agreed to. I was getting tired and was hoping to have the same doctor deliver the baby before her shift was over. I loved her!
The oxy got things moving after a while but baby started to have deceleration of his heart rate all the way done to 70 bpm during the peak of the contractions. The doctor sat in my room for a long time monitoring the heart rate and then suggested doing a procedure to put fluid (my water was broken by the doctor at 5 cm) back in to cushion the baby incase the cord was wrapped around the neck. I was very nervous for baby at this point… I had dreams before that the cord was wrapped around the neck so anything to help out I was willing to do. The procedure helped out for a while but it didn’t continue to help the heart rate for long.
The docs took me off oxy because baby wasn’t a fan of it and checked me. At this point I was 7-8 cm but it was now 6 am. I was exhausted, thirsty living on ice chips that eventually made me throw up twice, my back was sore from being in one position since the epidural, I was sweaty and warm despite all the cold cloths Julie continually freshened for me and was concerned every time I heard his little heart rate drop. I was asked to roll on my side at one point and that was the beginning of the end for me. When I rolled it felt like I threw my neck out, my arms went tingly and numb and the shooting pain went down my neck to my spine. At this point I just thought how am I going to push a baby out now and panick started to set in.
Once the initial pain slowed down in my neck the doctor came in to talk about options at 7 am. I could continue to labour for the next 4 hours to see if I progress past 8 cm which is what I was stuck at for some time and if that didn’t work it would be a c section, or I could opt for c section now. To be honest I didn’t know how much I had left in me, labour and no sleep for 2 going on 3 days, not being sure I’d be able to bare down and push with my neck and back the way they were and no guarantees that baby’s heart would withstand the pushing. I duscussed it with my team and decided that c section would be best to get this baby out. I cried for a bit thinking I had failed but was assured by the doctor that my decision was a good one and that I had done a lot.
Now it was time to get ready for c section and them cutting me open. I had discussed with my dad ahead of time that if this were the case that he would go in with me to be by my side. The docs got him dressed up in his gear while they topped off the meds in the epidural to the point that I was numb and my legs weighed a thousand pounds. I said goodbye to my mom, Celeste and Julie as they wheeled me out of the room.
Meeting this baby was the next exciting thing to come… I hoped it was an uneventful c section but who are we kidding of course I freaked out once they started. More on that once I can add to this labour story.
My boy has made his arrival exactly one week past his due date. What a tough few days it was not knowing if the pains I was experiencing were the real deal. It all started a few day before, September 1st when I had been up all night feeling contractions and finally called my mom at 5:00am. I had contractions before so I told my dad and sis in law to go to work and we’ll call them if anything. My mom and I went for a walk a decided to go in to the hospital to get checked afterwards. Of course once I got there the contractions all subsided again! I still hadn’t dilated. After leaving and getting home I started feeling them again once or so every hour. I tried to go to bed that night but they continued to get worse. I went to my moms house at 1:00am because I had exhausted all my hot water and needed to be in a warm bath and was sick of being alone.
My mom ran me a bath and I soaked for a while before she made up the couch for me to lay on. She went to bed about 3 am and I went home about 4 am and slept every 20 mins between contractions. When I woke up I was in agony but still wasn’t going to the hospital only to be disappointed again. I lasted till about 5 pm when I told my mom I need to get to the hospital to at least get something for the pain. We called Celeste on the way as I realized that I couldn’t even sit in the front seat…. back seat on all fours and still in agony. Something was different this time. I got to the hospital and was checked immediately and to my surprise was told I was dilated 3-4 cm. Cue the water works…. I balled my eyes out. I had waited so long to hear that and I couldn’t believe it. It still makes my eyes tear up to think about it.
I got into my room shortly after and requested a yoga ball to sit on and had a shower to help with the pain. Once Celeste got there her and my mom went to my favourite taco place for my last meal before becoming a momma. Of course I wasn’t that hungry but I had to eat I knew I was in for a long night. I was eventually hooked up to a monitor because my little mans heart rate was about 170 and it stayed that way for a couple hours as he bounced around in my belly. They kept asking if he was always so active and I laughed and said yup!!! Once he settled I was able to get off the monitors and just labour. Julie was off work at 11:30pm and my labour was starting to pick up with pain. I had tried the gas but that didn’t do anything for me.
Once I got checked at 5 cm I decided to ask for the epidural. I was in a lot of pain by that point. Little did I know it would take some time to actually have them set up to do it. While they set up I went through about 6 contractions that were incredible. Celeste held my hand through the entire thing helping me to remember to breathe because I felt like I was tearing in half. To be honest I was nervous about to epidural but the fear didn’t outweigh the pain of labour. All my love to women who do it naturally because they are freaking superwoman in my eyes. It took a few minutes for the epidural to kick in and once it did I finally was able to keep a level head.
Well that’s it for part one…. trying to pump and stay on schedule. Mommy duties call.
39 weeks 3 days
I saw my doctor today and had a full 20 second sweep done today. This one hurt pretty bad but well worth it if we get some results… I’m hoping a baby. She said she was able to feel baby’s head and stretch the cervix which is very promising and gross all at the same time. She asked if I wanted one and at first I said no because the last one was a little discouraging. Then she explained why she should try this time and convinced me that I should. Im happy I did… to hear that there is progress happening was the highlight of the last two weeks. I’ve also lost a little bit of weight since the last time I was on the scale but that still puts me at a 50 pound weight gain since I got pregnant. Wowza! I think it’s safe to say though this baby is going to be a late baby. That’s what I’m telling myself so that I don’t wake up disappointed on Sunday.
This week baby could be 6 and a half to 7 pounds in my belly. I went in to see my doctor today to get a sweep done. I was a little nervous because I heard it can be very uncomfortable which was true. She said she did the best she could but that my cervix is still very posterior right now. On the other side she mentioned that baby is very low and in the right position which would explain my peeing every 15 mins as he uses my bladder as his pillow.
I also spoke to her about induction and when that would happen should I go overdue because let’s face it I’m so antsy to get this baby out. What she said is that they would induce only 41+3 weeks which would be 3 weeks from today September 6th. My gut is telling me that is most likely what will end up happening. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to have him earlier but I just have a feeling that’s what will happen. I’d rather be prepared for that so that I’m not disappointed each day that I don’t go into labour. Now if the cramping would stop so I don’t keep wondering if it’s time that would help. I will however ask my doctor next week if we can go ahead and schedule it now so that I don’t get stuck waiting beyond that date.
My next bit of reading will be about induction. I’ve heard things that aren’t favourable like it can make the labour even longer and more painful then when natural labour happens. It doubles the risk of c section especially in first time moms and isn’t a guarantee to even get things going. Sometimes it take 2 or 3 tries for the induction to be successful which will be a very stressful situation I’m sure. On the other hand being overdue increases the risk of needing an assisted delivery using forceps (which I absolutely don’t want), a large baby, slowed heart rate for baby, breathing problems and slowed growth. I guess it’s all weighing out what is best for baby.
Im trying to prepare myself for this impending process that is getting closer and closer. Let’s face it I’m absolutely scared shitless. Who knows maybe this baby surprises us and comes in the next week but I’m not banking on that one but a girl can wish!